Sharing some key elements that keep Neithan and I together. :-))
Questions need decision-making, and this can be mentally taxing. Multiple questions early in the morning or right after waking up can lead to decision fatigue, which often leads to a bad mood that’s quite challenging to recover from. Hence, we make an effort to minimize questions whenever we can.
We might catch the other person in the midst of an exciting anime climax or a crucial live DoTA clash, or engrossed in a complex algorithm, or a brewing RRL sentence. We try to avoid disrupting each other’s flow. (I admittedly violate this more than Neithan does. :-))
The last 2 hours of the day, in general, are reserved for each other’s alone time. It can be challenging to do this in a small space, but somehow we manage even if we are sitting beside each other. When we get into the zone of doing our hobbies, we often forget that we are in the same room. It’s important that each of us nurtures the hobbies that we can do independently. It is important that we keep our own lives while sharing one together.
Neithan and I have very different taste in movies/TV series. Early in our relationship, we *tried* getting each other on the same boat. He’d ask me to watch animes with him; I’d yawn 5 minutes in. I used to invite him to watch vampire movies with me; he’d straight up say ‘No!’. We eventually gave up on this circus. While we do occasionally watch something together, we find that we’re better off having our own boats on this one.
We have spent thousands of hours playing DoTA together. It has been a common way for us to relax or blow off steam. But we have to put our personal relationship on pause while we’re playing. :-)) We have in-game roles. I usually play support and he’d play carry/offlane. When he tells me he cannot farm because the creeps are too close to the enemy’s tower, I have to pull creeps and make sure the equilibrium changes to our favor. When he dies because I left him in the lane to get a rune, and he gets upset, I should not get upset. When he plays support and I play offlane, and I tell him to place a ward, he should place a ward and not be upset about it. :-)) Believe me, we argue in-game, sometimes a lot. Sometimes the argument is taken out of the game. That’s why I’m placing this here as a reminder for both of us. :-))
We each have friends who have been a part of our lives for a long time, even before we knew each other. We respect any time set aside for them and don’t feel pressured to always attend gatherings together or rearrange plans just because one of us is feeling needy for attention. Respect for time. Period.
Whenever we’re tempted to meddle in other people’s affairs, we take two steps back to reflect on our own lives. Often, we realize there’s so much to work on in our own side that we’re in no position to get involved in other people’s problems. It’s important to focus on what’s inside before paying attention to what’s outside. Prioritizing cleaning our own room ensures that we have a sparkling clean home we always want to come back to, both literally and figuratively.
Record that song cover. Hand letter that quote. Play that game of DoTA. Tomorrow is not promised. We try our best to make sure we will die happy… doing things that keep us alive.
That’s it so far… We take each day as an opportunity to design the life we want. Not easy, definitely. But always exciting and figureoutable.
☕ – jen
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